Understanding and Embracing Polarisation for Personal and Team Growth

Conflict is an inevitable part of both personal and professional life. We’ve all seen the cost of the escalation of conflict – people across the world are suffering as I write this. Understandably, many of us shy away from conflict, believing that harmony is always preferable – after all, who wants to rock the boat? Keeping people from falling out is a worthwhile goal, but sometimes our fear of conflict means we are missing out on some important energy that might be needed for a transition.

While they can be dangerous, polarities don’t have to be. If explored tactfully, there is a great deal of energy that comes from people taking opposite positions – and this energy can even be used constructively. Take a battery for example – it doesn’t work without an inherent polarity. When contained, and facilitated well, the energy bewteen two polarities (opposing viewpoints or attitudes) can be harnessed for deeper understanding, insight, and genuine progress.

We have all be captured by a polarising energy. Perhaps it’s the person who says something outrageous, they get your attention, and then sometimes, they even end up being kind of attractive…!  We’ve seen this in the movies over and over again, from When Harry Met Sally to Pretty Woman (I know, I am showing my age – please comment with more recent examples below) the point is, there is energy in difference, and it’s not always bad.

And movies aren’t the only place this happens: polarisation is both universal and powerful. Ever been to a football game??? Whether in politics, sports, or interpersonal disagreements, polarities attract our attention and evoke strong emotions. But why is this? Below are a couple of reasons that we find ourselves in polarising positions:*

Simplicity from Complexity

Polarities give us the gift of simplicity in a complex world. When confronted with multifaceted issues—be they political, social, or internal—our minds crave clarity. Reducing matters to “either/or” decisions, such as those presented by two-party politics or referendum voting, helps us feel more in control. While this may take out the nuance, it does highlight issues that need to be looked at and create the spark for initial dialogue.

Energy and Clarity

Polarised positions come with their own energy and momentum. Think sports rivalries, passionate debates, or activism for a cause. This energy not only motivates us but gives us a sense of certainty and belonging, especially when we feel threatened or overwhelmed. By taking polarising positions, we can get a sense of meaning and focus which can help unify people toward a cause, regain some sense of power and bring energy to a movement.

The Comfort of Certainty

Ultimately, we gravitate toward polarities because they anchor us. Amidst ambiguity, clear stances feel safe and reassuring. The binary bias—the tendency to reduce complicated realities into two opposing choices—serves as a mental shortcut, but also limits our perspective. When things in the outside world are overwhelming, polarities give us something to hang on to.

*There isn’t an inherent value judgement in these dynamics of polarisation, more simply an observation of how people can behave. Naturally, there are downsides that come with each of these positions. However, with awareness and expert facilitation, we can also use these polarities for good.

The Yin and Yang of Conflict

This phenomena of life is captured perfectly in the ancient Taoist symbol of Yin and Yang – with each side circling the other. Each side also contains a spot of the other, though often this can be hard to recognise when things are particularly polarised.

Likewise, real-life polarities are rarely divided by straight lines. Our positions, feelings, and reactions waver over time, as does our strength of belief. So how might you move beyond these polarities?

Finding Unity and Understanding Stories

When you explore these polarities further, you may find they don’t just represent opposition—they often conceal deeper connections or shared goals. Like the opposite dots in the Yin-Yang, these may not be easy to see at first. For example, in heated debates, such as the death penalty discussion in the United States, both sides ultimately want less murder. Identifying this common ground can be transformative.

Additionally, recognising the personal stories that underlie strong opinions creates empathy and understanding. People’s positions are often shaped by their individual experiences and vulnerabilities—insights that dissolve black-and-white thinking. Creating space to hear these can both increase understanding between the two sides, but sometimes even result in an openness to explore other sides.

So instead of striving prematurely for balance, or worse still, to enforce our point of view, we should first allow ourselves to engage more fully with each side—“swinging” first before seeking a resting point. This approach enables us to appreciate the energy within polarisation before working toward integration or synthesis.

Remember to “swing” before finding a resting point

Working with Polarisation

Curious to know what you might do with a polarity next time you meet one? Here is simple yet powerful exercise that you can do on your own – or with other people if you are ready.

Step 1. Articulate the Negative Side:

Pick a group, issue, or idea. For example, consider the stereotypes about British people: “reserved, drink too much, posh, stuck in their ways.” Write down as many attributes as you or others might ascribe negatively. (See it can be fun too!)

2. Name the Positive Counterparts:

Then, for each negative attribute, find a plausible, connected positive. Reserved? try Discerning. Drinks too much? try Likes to have fun. Posh? Respectful or powerful. The point isn’t to contrive opposites, but to authentically identify what could be valued from each trait.

3. Notice the Space Created:

Once you have spent a bit of time exploring each side, notice what’s different about your original position? Check your feelings, thoughts and beliefs as well as your ability to think differently about the other side. By consciously articulating both sides, we “free ourselves from the incompleteness” of stereotypes or rigid opinions.

Even if you don’t agree with one side, the simple act of giving it voice creates mental and emotional space for nuance. And if you are persistent with this exercise, you may end up feeling lighter about the situation, which in turn, helps you find a new way to handle it.

If you get this far, I would love to hear it – please comment below?

Conclusion

Conflict and polarisation need not tear us apart. By understanding the appeal of polarities and learning how to work with them—rather than against them—we unlock opportunities for connection and positive change. In these challenging times, let’s not fear polarities, but rather explore and embrace them with curiosity, honesty, and compassion.

By consciously engaging with a polarity rather than avoiding it, we can cultivate greater resilience, insight, and collective wisdom – something I, for one, can definitely see the benefit of.