What is going on?? Dang nabbit! Trump has not thought about the impact on me and my plans with his warmongering – how dare he!
I had written a blog on how Shakespeare’s Henry V has lessons that can support leaders across time. Its great, 3000 words plus images, and loads of fun to write – and based on a fantastic programme by Olivier Mythodrama called Inspirational Leadership.
But the current international aggression has made me hit pause on posting it for now as its story-line includes a conquest of a foreign nation. (Although in this case, the English see France as part of one kingdom, not as a separate entity to be “punched while they are down”.)
Instead, I have been noticing where people (mostly myself) are turning when the world outside seems disastrous. There are a few distinct phases I go through:
- Check the news – more of the same (horrible)
- Watch some internet psychologist on shutting down in intimate relationships (focus on my own challenges rather than the world’s)
- Get distracted by old youtubes of Jim Carrey and Robin Williams (linked for your distraction)
- Remind myself “to be more productive,” so go play around with an AI tool or two..
- To ensure I don’t waste all this time, post something on LinkedIn to make myself feel like I have been productive
- Then bury myself in some more work…
The truth is, I feel very powerless about a lot of what is going on. And yet at the same time, I see the pattern in all of the above is me:
- Trying to make sense of the world,
- Then trying to do something amidst the chaos to make a difference, to matter…
That behind all of the hours spent in front of the screen, I am searching for Agency, Meaning, and Connection.
With these three things, my loneliness or lack of control become bearable. I find power and grace in the little things – going for a walk; cleaning out my office; working; reaching out – even though I might get rejected – for a coffee or a chat; looking for opportunities to still make a difference.
Its hard.
But I am working on two fronts to make a contribution amidst the chaos:
One, is I am running Family Constellations locally here in Devon. I see this is as an opportunity for people to connect to others while connecting deeply to themselves. Guided by some consistent forces in the flow of life and love, people have a chance to reflect on their situation and find their “right size.” By “Right Size” I mean the appropriate level of function, one that is fitted to their current circumstances – not trying to do too much, nor opting out or giving up, but accepting their place in the system.
The ability to accept the truth of one’s own situation has a power in it that cannot be taken away. Coming from being the “right size” means our actions are more likely to be effective, our impact real and our energy less wasted. Viktor Frankel wrote about it, but often we miss chances to truly connect to our own inner sense of resilience or resourcefulness. I believe we need to do this now more than ever.
On top of that, attending a Systemic Family Constellation is an in-person experience that brings people away from the distancing screens of online connection to a richer, shared experience. This is also a powerful antidote to the fragmentation of curated content and fake news.
In person, our bodies are recognised and welcomed, we attune to ourselves and others – beyond the words and images that have become so much a part of how we connect. In person, we include all of our senses, bodies and interactions that exist beyond what we see when we look at a two-dimensional talking head…
If you are interested in learning more about this, please visit my site: The Constellations Coach.
The second area I am working on is helping teams and leaders connect to each other and their purpose, while trying to carry on making their contribution to the world. For no matter how much strife is happening out there, we still need goods and services, connection and health for all. Such things are provided by organisations in both the public and the private sector and their healthy functioning is as important now as ever.
And the things I look for when I am working from home are the same that people are looking for from their organisations:
Agency, Meaning, and Connection
With a sense of agency, people spend less time worrying and more time focusing on what they can control. They identify the things they can do rather than what is out of their control. This itself brings energy and resilience to a leader and their teams. Yet it is easy to lose sight of our agency when there is yet another unexpected event that knocks us off course. It’s normal to face a sense of loss when the plans we have made, the energy we have invested in one thing is no longer the thing that works…
It can be heartbreaking.
For many, if not all of us, rather than face the feelings of disappointment, we rage and try and fight against the change. However, this is often a misguided attempt to find agency, (unless of course there is something we can do, in which case, do it!). We are applying old approaches in a world way that no longer works that way.
For many, frustration is a far more acceptable emotion than the pain of feeling loss – and by not facing the loss we get stuck in a world that no longer exists… Drawing on the work of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and the Five Stages of Grief, we see that these patterns are normal, and that if we accept and recognise the emotional components of our reactions to unplanned change, we can move toward a place of acceptance. From here, we are better able to focus again on what we can control, and therefore, renew our sense of Agency.
Meaning is fostered when we connect to a purpose. For some that is getting their kids through school, for others its about helping companies eliminate waste so they can survive into the coming years. For many of us, it’s a chance to make some contribution toward making the world a better place. This is often seen as easier for teachers and nurses who directly support people daily (and could contribute to why they tolerate huge workloads for little pay). But it is as true for the construction business as it is for finance – how can we make a sustainable world where people thrive? It is easy to lose our faith in meaning when there are many unforeseen consequences or variables beyond our control.
However, if we have the grace to accept our humanity, rather than assume a god-like omnipotence, we understand that we will get it wrong. That this not only OK, it is to be expected!
Making decisions is not about finding the perfect way forward, but trying something and responding to how it works, or in many cases, doesn’t work… We re-assess, take on new information, and try something different. It is our only human option. We can beat ourselves up for getting it wrong, or we can accept our limitations and get up again. And doing this is always easier when we can connect to why we do what we do – when we have Meaning.
Finally, Connection. Humans cannot survive in isolation. We are the most dependent creatures on the planet. Sometimes, our need for connection is so strong, we seek to maintain connection through conflict rather than face the terror of being alone. (Ever wondered why people stay in seemingly toxic relationships?) I support companies to foster that connection within their organisation. By creating spaces that are fun, accessible, insightful and challenging, my job is to help teams through their struggles in a way that builds their connection and community.
When teams have these three things in place, Agency, Meaning and Connection, they thrive. They turn back toward their goals and stop spending time looking elsewhere for places to put their energy. Once the basics are taken care of, then having a sense of meaning, belonging and community is what engages us. And if the workplace doesn’t offer this, its not going to be as effective, nor is it likely to hang on to its people.
For more on the work I do in this space, visit my website: www.edwardjnelson.com
I’d love to hear your comments on how Agency, Meaning and Connection are achieved (or not) in your workplace – drop me a line!